***For obvious reasons, I did not post this until I was ready.
February 11, 2011: I am pregnant. I am happy, scared, anxious and just about every other emotion that one can experience. FOUR of my good friends also found out they were expecting in the last 2 weeks....this excites and terrifies me.
February 23, 2011: I had my first u/s today to determine "placement" at 5 weeks all looks good. The baby is in the uterus, there is a gestational sac. That is all they could see. I haven't told anyone this time. I literally can not bring myself to tell anyone. There have been a few times where I have tried to tell someone and my mouth will not obey my brain.
March 2,2011: Tomorrow is my follow-up u/s. I am so scared. I truly feel that this pregnancy is different and that tomorrow I am going to see the tiny flicker of a heartbeat. That feeling also terrifies me, because what if I am wrong?? Jackson has no idea that I am pregnant, but he keeps asking me when he is going to get a brother or a sister. I told him that was up to God and he said that he hopes God hurries up.I wish that people would stop complaining about their current pregnancies. I can barely read some fb posts or talk to others on the phone. I don't care about how tired you feel, how many times you threw up, etc ...BE THANKFUL!! I welcome my nausea! I am pregnant! Praying for good results tomorrow. PLEASE GOD.
March 3,2011: No heartbeat. Impeding miscarriage. Non-viable pregnancy. Spontaneous abortion. All terms to mean the same thing....no baby. Crushed...again.