A new chapter of (what I hope is) a wonderful new book

June 13th- Interview with dream job.

June 14th-  We brought home a 6 week old German Shepherd pup, who didn't sleep all night long.  Got offered said dream job.

June 15th- BFP pregnancy test!

June 15th- later in the day.  Results from first HCG quant...24.  The nurse called to tell me it the numbers weren't were they wanted them to be and "not to get my hopes up".  As if I needed anyone to tell me that!!  I promptly called back and screamed at her.  Besides that fact that 24 is a perfectly acceptable number for someone who is as early as I was!  Geesh!

June 22nd- 1st ultrasound.  All they could see was an empty sac.  The doctor told me to "keep my fingers and toes crossed" and then he told me to come back the following week for another scan.  I said "no".  No. No. No.  I wasn't going to do this again.  The coming in every week and watching for the slow or no development only for it to be determined at 8-9 weeks that it was "viable". No.  I told him I will see you in 3 weeks.  By then we will know what is what.  I can't deal with all of these scans and appointments.

July 10th-  2nd ultrasound.  Hal went with me.  We were bracing for the news when....we saw something that looked like a baby and what looked like a flicker in the middle of it.  The doctor said 'and there's the heartbeat'!  A HEARTBEAT!  Hooray!!  Yippee!!!



September 10th-  Feeling great.  16 weeks pregnant. No complaints.  Just keeping our fingers and toes crossed and praying each night for a healthy little one.  It still doesn't seem real...I am so so thrilled that it is!!

Overdue Update

We did end up heading to Chicago and seeing Dr. Kwak-Kim...yes a specialist named Dr. Quack...how perfect.  Lol.  

She took about 40 vials of blood (not an overestimate) and did a through record review and other testing.  

All-in-all...she couldn't really find any glaring reasons for the repeated losses.  She did believe that my thyroiditis was caused by an auto-immune response and felt that this could possibly be related to the early losses.  She felt that overall it was a negative auto-immune response to the pregnancy that was causing the difficulties.  She recommended following a similar protocol to the one that I was already on and then adding IVIG infusions ($3000 a shot x about 20!!!)  Or steroids.  

We put things on the back burner..ended up moving to Michigan.

I had to find all new doctors...yippee!  

I discussed the above with 2 specialists.  Neither agreed that the IVIG or steroid were a great course of action for me.  IVIG is very pricey, with no known benefits and a long-term steroid has many risks. 

The plan....stay on same course and hope for better results.  

Abnormal XY +6

In a follow-up meeting with the reproductive endocrinologist last week, we got the results of the genetic analysis of the "products of conception" from the d&c.

It showed a trisomy of the 6th chromosome, which is "incompatible with life".

I am thankful that, for at least one of these miscarriages, we now have a documented reason for it. It is a bit frustrating though to throw another variable into this mess. It is also a bit hard to know the sex of the baby. That makes it seem a bit more real, not sure that is the best way to describe it.

The next step is for Hal to have a genetic karotype done. I have been fighting with the insurance companies for over a year to get them to cover this, they have finally agreed. They kept denying it saying that "recurrent pregnancy loss" cannot be a male diagnostic code. I have gone round and round with them. FINALLY, I spent about 2 hours on the phone with a lady and I googled ICD-9 codes to see which ones they would accept with that particular procedure code. It was ridiculous, but apparently the magic diagnostic words are "male infertility-otherwise unspecified". Same thing..right?? Stupid insurance companies. And why couldn't my doctor's office be more helpful? Stupid doctors. Oh well. It is being covered now.

Also, we are headed to Chicago for Memorial Day weekend to meet with a Reproductive Immunologist. She is supposedly one of the best in the country. Her name is Dr. Kwak....which makes me laugh. I am literally going to see a Kwak. Hahaha. Too perfect.

"Off, but still connected"

Surgery is over. Feeling better emotionally and physically today.

I arrived at the hospital only to be directed to 4 different desks for check-in. At one point a lady actually told me to "go to Operating room 7". Um.....don't I need to register and get an IV before I just knock on the OR door??

Finally I ended up on the Maternity ward. Really? Who thought that was a good idea? To put a woman going through a miscarriage on the floor with a bunch of women in labor and new moms?? Unacceptable. I immediately asked for a private room away from all of that. How insensitive! They moved me away from that floor where they said I would be "off, but still connected". I laughed and said, that is exactly the way I feel.

Then the fun of starting an iv began. They tried 9 times, 4 different staff members (including the anesthesiologist) and over 70 minutes to start the iv!! 9 times! You should see my arms. During the 5th or 6th attempt the women came in to draw blood for my labs. During them painfully sticking me in my other arm, she asks for me to straighten my other arm so she can draw my blood. I literally snapped. I screamed at her. "NO WAY! You will wait!"

After they got the iv going. The anesthesiologist begins to ask about my medical history. At one point he asks me "is there any chance you could be pregnant". I looked at him like he had 6 heads. "Ummm..yeah". That is kind of why I am here...a-hole! Really?! Did you even glance at my chart or look at what type of procedure I am having? At this point, my confidence level is 0.

After that..things went smoothly. Not much pain. Feeling more sane today. Feeling bad for another friend who is going through her 3 miscarriage. As tough as it is to hear about others becoming pregnant, it doesn't make it any easier to hear about other people having difficulties. That is worse. It shouldn't be so hard for good people to have babies! While people whom are terrible parents have no problems. Doesn't seem fair. Oh well. I am just thankful for the health of my family and for my Jackson.

I am thinking that I might forgo further interventions from Western medicine, save my money and buy a flight back to the Amazon. I am pretty sure that swimming with the mystical pink river dolphins is more promising. It is definitely becoming more clear that Jax is going to be the next tribal leader. Haha.

http://dolphinworld.users.50megs.com/pinkdolphin.html (See paragraph 4).

Surgery

Met with the doctors again for a final ultrasound to "confirm". No change. D&C will be later this week.

I am angry this time. I have so many unanswered questions. It is infuriating. The doctors have no answers. They blame it on the MTHFR....but I don't know. I have been doing some research about the H-Y antigen....my doctor (the "expert") was not familiar with the research. There is an experimental treatment, I am not really sure what it entails. Might have to call the University of Chicago to ask some questions since they are leading the research. Might be grasping at straws. I certainly don't have the energy to pursue this at the moment.

The doctors say that we have a "reasonable" chance of having a healthy pregnancy. He says that we have have 20% chance. I am not sure if I think that is "reasonable". It sounds like pretty crappy odds to me.

Again.

***For obvious reasons, I did not post this until I was ready.

February 11, 2011: I am pregnant. I am happy, scared, anxious and just about every other emotion that one can experience. FOUR of my good friends also found out they were expecting in the last 2 weeks....this excites and terrifies me.

February 23, 2011: I had my first u/s today to determine "placement" at 5 weeks all looks good. The baby is in the uterus, there is a gestational sac. That is all they could see. I haven't told anyone this time. I literally can not bring myself to tell anyone. There have been a few times where I have tried to tell someone and my mouth will not obey my brain.

March 2,2011: Tomorrow is my follow-up u/s. I am so scared. I truly feel that this pregnancy is different and that tomorrow I am going to see the tiny flicker of a heartbeat. That feeling also terrifies me, because what if I am wrong?? Jackson has no idea that I am pregnant, but he keeps asking me when he is going to get a brother or a sister. I told him that was up to God and he said that he hopes God hurries up.I wish that people would stop complaining about their current pregnancies. I can barely read some fb posts or talk to others on the phone. I don't care about how tired you feel, how many times you threw up, etc ...BE THANKFUL!! I welcome my nausea! I am pregnant! Praying for good results tomorrow. PLEASE GOD.

March 3,2011: No heartbeat. Impeding miscarriage. Non-viable pregnancy. Spontaneous abortion. All terms to mean the same thing....no baby. Crushed...again.

"That's weird".....

Let's put this on the list of things that you DO NOT want to hear from Doctor....especially when in stirrups.

Another surgery. Yes folks, another surgery. I have been spotting/bleeding since May. The doctor had said that I could bleed for a few weeks, but I thought this was excessive. I made an appointment. Yesterday they did a water ultrasound (doesn't sound bad...but IT SUCKED) and they determined that I have a large uterine polyp. The polyp is either a normal polyp, placental tissue that is still growing or a tumor. Surgery to remove it scheduled for next week. Ugh.